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class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__content\"  href=\"https:\/\/chatupa.com\/zh\/about-us\/\"><span class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__label\">\u5173\u4e8e\u6211\u4eec<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link\"><a class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__content\"  href=\"https:\/\/chatupa.com\/zh\/resources\/\"><span class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__label\">\u8d44\u8baf<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\"wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link\"><a class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__content\"  href=\"https:\/\/chatupa.com\/zh\/for-members\/\"><span class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__label\">\u4f1a\u5458\u533a<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-essential-blocks-row alignfull\"><div class=\"eb-parent-wrapper eb-parent-eb-row-abdy7xi\"><div class=\"eb-row-root-container eb-row-abdy7xi\" data-id=\"eb-row-abdy7xi\"><div class=\"eb-row-wrapper\"><div class=\"eb-row-inner\">\n<div class=\"eb-parent-wrapper eb-parent-eb-column-5hkkv44  wp-block-essential-blocks-column\"><div class=\"eb-column-wrapper eb-column-5hkkv44\"><div class=\"eb-column-inner\"><div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft size-trp-custom-language-flag is-resized\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=18%2C3&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-1675\" style=\"width:18px;height:3px\" width=\"18\" height=\"3\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=18%2C3&amp;ssl=1 18w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=300%2C48&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=1024%2C164&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=768%2C123&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=1536%2C246&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=2048%2C328&amp;ssl=1 2048w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?resize=1568%2C251&amp;ssl=1 1568w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chatupa.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/yale_campus-6.png?w=1800&amp;ssl=1 1800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 18px) 100vw, 18px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Coming out to my mom<\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p><em><strong>The author was accepted to Brown University<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It felt like I threw myself out of a plane without a parachute. My eyes firmly shut, I feared for my life as I plummeted towards the ground. In hindsight, perhaps half coming out at a public restaurant wasn\u2019t the brightest idea. Then again, living as the half-closeted queer kid meant that I was all too familiar with intimidating situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I asked my mom: \u201cWhat would you do if I had a girlfriend?\u201d She instantly replied that she couldn\u2019t understand. Immediately, my heart dropped and the emotional free fall began. She explained that Americans choose to be gay for personal enjoyment, which in my Korean culture is an attitude that is severely frowned upon. I sat there like a statue, motionless and afraid to speak, blindly hurtling towards a hard reality I hadn\u2019t expected.&nbsp;Rejection cut me deeply and I started to feel the itch of tears welling in my eyes, yet I had to contain myself. I couldn\u2019t let the pain seep through my facade or else she would question why I cared. All I could do was keep looking down and shoveling food into my mouth, silently wishing I could just disappear. That night, I realized it would be a long time before I could fully come out to my mom. My eyes tightened as I continued to fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the following weeks, I started noticing how discomfort played a natural part in my life. I recognized the anxious reactions of my classmates as I argued with my Christian friends when they said my queerness is a sin. I observed the judgmental glances my mentors gave me as I passionately disagreed with my conservative lab mates over my sister\u2019s abortion. Eventually, my friends decided to censor certain topics of discussion, trying to avoid these situations altogether. I felt like vulnerability was the new taboo. People\u2019s expressions and actions seemed to confine me, telling me to stop caring so much, to keep my eyes closed as I fall, so they didn\u2019t have to watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Had others felt uncomfortable with me in the same way I had felt uncomfortable with my mom? Do they feel that our passions might uncover a chasm into which we all fall, unsure of the outcome?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Perhaps it was too raw, too emotional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There was something about pure, uncensored passion during conflict that became too real. It made me, and the people around me, vulnerable, which was frightening. It made us think about things we didn\u2019t want to consider, things branded too political, too dangerous. Shielding ourselves in discomfort was simply an easier way of living.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, I\u2019ve come to realize that it wasn\u2019t my comfort, but rather, my discomfort that defined my life. My memories aren\u2019t filled with times where life was simple, but moments where I was conflicted. It is filled with unexpected dinners and unusual conversations where I was uncertain. It is filled with the uncensored versions of my beliefs and the beliefs of others. It is filled with a purity that I shouldn\u2019t have detained. Now, I look forward to tough conversations with a newfound willingness to learn and listen, with an appreciation for uncertainty. I urge others to explore our discomfort together and embrace the messy emotions that accompany it. I try to make our collective discomfort more navigable. Since that dinner, my relationship with my mother is still in free fall. It\u2019s dangerous and frightening. Thankfully, the potentially perilous conversations I\u2019ve had with my friends has given me a newfound appreciation for my own fear. I\u2019ll admit, part of me still seeks to close my eyes, to hide in the safety I\u2019ll find in silence. Yet, a larger part of me yearns to embrace the dangers around me as I fall through the sky. I may still be falling, but this time, I will open my eyes, and hopefully steer towards a better landing for both my mom and me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em>(\u6211\u4eec\u4e3a\u6587\u4e66\u6dfb\u52a0\u4e86\u6807\u9898\u3002\u8bf7\u544a\u8bc9\u6211\u4eec\u60a8\u7684\u53cd\u9988)<\/em><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Coming out to my mom The author was accepted to Brown University It felt like I threw myself out of a plane without a parachute. My eyes firmly shut, I feared for my life as I plummeted towards the ground. In hindsight, perhaps half coming out at a public restaurant wasn\u2019t the brightest idea. 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